The BreakUp and the UnBreakUp
by ShelbyElizabeth
Summary: An unfortunate event completely ruins Abby's night. Luckily, Super!Tim comes to the rescue. Written for the We Do Not Belong Together Challenge. Crack!fic so please do not take any of this too seriously.


Abby was in her lab, finishing up putting away her chemicals and turning off Major Mass Spec for his night of rest. "Good night team, I'll see you all in the morning!" she saluted the machines.

She went to her desk in the other room to grab her jacket. "Oh Bert, I almost forgot you were going to stay the night," she saw the hippo sitting in her chair, "Alright, let's go," she picked him up and gave him a squeeze.

Nothing.

"Bert?" she squeezed again.

Still nothing.

She gently set him back down on the chair. "Bert, what does this mean?" she stared at him for a moment, "Bert, I'm really sorry Bert, but you can't come over tonight. Or any night. If you can't be yourself around me by now, well… Bert, please don't be too upset, but I don't think we belong together."

She turned off the lights, a lone tear in her eye, and left Bert alone in the lab.

…

"Timmy, it was so horrible!"

She was crying; he hated it when she cried. "What happened, Abby?" he clutched the phone closely to his ear.

"Well, you see, I was closing up the lab for the night, and Bert was going to spend the night at my apartment tonight, so I went to go grab my jacket and get him, and when I gave him the first hug of the night, he… he…"

"He… what Abby? What did he do?"

"He didn't fart!"

Tim gasped.

"I know; that's how I was too. I thought maybe he just wasn't ready, so I hugged him again, and still nothing!"

Tim was worried; her sobs were getting louder. He could hear a car starting in the background. "Abby, Abby where are you?"

"Still… still at NCIS. I'm getting ready to leave right… right now," she cried into the phone, her tears falling down her face and soaking her shirt.

"No, Abby, please don't go anywhere. You can't drive when you're in such a state. Stay there, I'll come get you. Okay? I'm leaving right now," Tim grabbed his keys and ran out to his car.

"Timmy, please hurry, I don't want to be here any longer than I have to be," she begged.

"I'm coming Abby. I'm going to hang up the phone now so that I can get there faster. Alright? Is that okay?" he asked, trying to sound calmer than he felt.

She nodded, and then realized that he couldn't see her. "Yeah, yeah it's okay. But, Timmy…"

"Yeah Abs?"

"Please be fast."

"I will be," he promised.

He hung up and drove as quickly as he could, while still obeying as many traffic laws as possible. True, he passed people from the right lane, and he reached speeds of up to five miles over the speed limit, but he was feeling reckless and Abby needed him.

He pulled into the NCIS parking lot and spotted Abby sitting in her car near the building. He parked in the spot next to hers. She got out, locked her doors, and got into Tim's car.

He turned the engine off. "Timmy, what are you doing?" Abby looked confused.

"I'm going to go talk to Bert. You wait here. I'll be right back."

He got out of the car and stormed into the building and down the stairs to Abby's lab. He opened the door and flicked on the light. He walked stealthily back to her desk, spying on Bert sitting in her desk chair. "So, Bert," he began, "I hope you realize just what you've done. Abby is crying because of you. I hope you're happy."

He reached down and picked Bert up, flipped him over, and set him down on the desk so that he was lying face up. He reached into his pocket and grabbed the most trusty and handy of tools- the screwdriver!

He attacked Bert's stomach with fervor unmatched by anything else in the world. He stopped the operation only to wipe sweat from his forehead.

Once Bert's ribcage was open, Tim grasped around and ripped out his insides only to replace a new copy. He fixed Bert back up and smiled down at him.

"Mission accomplished. Sorry Bert, I hadn't meant to let your batteries dies. I promise I'll catch them next time before Abby notices, that way she'll never have to break up with you ever again."

Tim rushed back to his car. Abby stared at him with her mouth agape, but waited until he was buckled and started the engine before speaking. "What did you say to him?" she asked.

He glanced over at her nonchalantly. Her tears were dried, but he could still see the streaks they had made when they ran down her cheeks. "Nothing much; don't worry about it, alright Abs?"

She nodded. The drive to her apartment passed in silence until they pulled into the parking lot. "Thank you for driving me home Timmy," she unbuckled her seatbelt.

"My pleasure Abby," he replied.

"Um, you're going to get me in the morning right? Because now I don't have a car to get to work…"

He chuckled. "Of course Abs, good night."

She got out of the car and went up to her apartment. She soon drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

…

In the morning, Tim was waiting for her in the Porsche, just like he said he would be.

He drove her to work, but she was not prepared for the sight that would meet her in the lab. Bert was sitting on the floor, right in her path. He was unavoidable. "Bert, what are you doing there? You're going to get hurt!" she set her lunchbox on the table.

She picked him up and gave him a squeeze. "I know I told you we don't belong together, but that doesn't mean that you should try to commit hippo suicide! Hey, wait…" she hugged him again.

Her waiting ears were greeted by the most glorious sound in the world. "Oh, Bert, please forgive me for what I said! I knew you could be yourself around me! We do belong together, we do!"

She happily set him near Major Mass Spec, completely unaware of Tim's actions the night before, and set off about her day as if the one before it had never happened. There was no longer a doubt in her mind; she and Bert really did belong together.


End file.
